Not 99 problems, just one

It's six years since Jay-Z's The Black Album was released. So I'm sure I'm not the first person to say this but, dearie me, what's the point of BBC Radio 1 playing "99 problems" - of which the key message is "I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one" - in a 'clean' version that removes the word "bitch"?  Not even the entire word in some instances, just the first bit (if you'll forgive the pun). It's pretty damn obvious there's a word missing - and it doesn't take a lexicographer to work it out. Kanye West sang "heard they'd do anything for a Klondike; well, I'd do anything for a blonde..."  That's clearly not another choc ice reference. What’s next for the daytime playlist - "k the pain away"?  Once upon a time, bands would include an alternative line - "she'll grab your Sandra Bullocks" is better than the original, I think - but that seems to be too much trouble now.

There's a school of thought that says words are neither bad nor good. Much like guns and dogs, it's the owners who are the problem. I'm inclined to agree, although I'd be less worried by someone waving a dictionary around than by either of the two other options. My point is that the message is either likely to be offensive or it isn't. Either play the whole thing or not at all.

I was only reminded about the Radio 1 incident and my latent annoyance when I was flicking through The Guide (The Guardian's entertainment listings) this weekend. There's an ad for a band called what at first glance looks like "FACK BUTTONS". On closer examination, the A is actually a star, reminiscent of the grawlix used in comics to denote swearing. On the pages either side are articles that mention the band's real name. Apparently it's a U, not an A. So this is a band that uses swearing in its name but isn't brave enough to print it, although the newspaper reviewing them doesn't have a problem. They don't look so clever now.

I enjoy wordplay. I don't mind some swearing. But I also like a bit of integrity. Now, where's my David Hasselhoff CD?


NB: Yes, I know "... Buttons", as Radio 1 probably calls them, have been around for several years. Yes, I'm sure it's the Buttons' record label that I should be blaming. And yes, I know I'm sounding a bit Meldrew again.