I stopped for a coffee this morning. Big mistake.
For the benefit of any environmental health officers reading this, it wasn't the coffee itself that was the problem. What bothered me was the setting.
I stopped at Next - yes, the clothing retailer - in Shoreham.
In the main window of Next is a festive tableau. Nativity? A family unwrapping presents? No. The centrepiece is one of those sawn-off cones used for wrapping Christmas trees in a giant fishnet stocking. Except, of course, the trees in the window display are artificial.
"Is it postmodern?" I asked myself. Or did the designer think this really summarised Christmas in 2012?
But I wasn't stopping. On the first floor, accessed via the bedroom department and a travelator from the future, is Starbucks.
And then I realised I was off to a coffee shop that has dropped 'coffee' from its name. The coffee shop that's been telling us "red cups are coming", a celebration of takeaway cardboard containers rather than the contents. Red cups are coming; an apparent parody of Coca-Cola's announcement that "holidays are coming", in which Santa Claus drives a giant truck across the country like a festive Kris Kristofferson.
Okay, I'll stop now. A skinny gingerbread latte with whipped cream, please. Yes, of course I'm serious.