Educating a woman is like pouring honey over a fine Swiss watch. It stops working.
author Kurt Vonnegut in 1985
This statement is quoted in The Chauvinist's bedside book (1994), authored by David Olive.
However, there are two issues here. Firstly (and least significantly), it's not an accurate quote. The original line, from the 1970 play Happy Birthday Wanda June, is actually "Educating a beautiful woman is like pouring honey into a fine Swiss watch. Everything stops."
Secondly (and more importantly), this isn't a personal statement by the author but the words he wrote for Harold Ryan, a character in the play. Vonnegut's work is mocking hyper-masculinity and misogyny, not celebrating it.
As Penelope, Harold's wife, points out in her opening lines: "This is a simple-minded play about men who enjoy killing - and those who don't."
This is the latest version of the 'standard' iPad with the 9.7-inch screen. Officially it’s the sixth generation, although that’s not counting a couple of other updates since 2010.
What’s changed since the last one? It’s got a faster processor inside; the same one you’ll find in the iPhone 7, in fact. The other notable update is the inclusion of support for the Apple Pencil and some other stylus devices. These let you write on the screen with something that looks like a pen instead of using your finger. You don’t actually get an Apple Pencil with it; you need to buy one separately.
And the Apple Pencil itself isn’t new: that’s been around since the launch of the iPad Pro in 2015.
In summary, what you get is a tablet computer with what Apple calls a ‘retina’ screen because the individual pixels are too small to see, a ten hour battery life on a good day, an eight megapixel camera on the back, a smaller camera on the front, either 32GB or 128GB of storage, a fingerprint reader for security and an overall weight of 450g.
UK prices start at £319 (up to £539, depending on spec), with an Apple Pencil costing you an extra £89.
If you do anything electrical around the house, you’ll probably have a multimeter in your toolkit. It’s a multi-purpose tester for anything from fuses to sophisticated electronic components. You plug a couple of probes into the front, touch them on the connections you’re checking and then see the resulting readings on a meter.
Allectrics, Inc. has done away with the meter part completely. You get two probes... and that’s pretty much it. They connect wirelessly to your mobile phone via Bluetooth – and it’s your phone that takes care of the display part. Not only does it remember the measurements, it’ll even speak the essential figures if your phone is in your pocket. The smartphone app can even help with diagnosing electrical problems.
Current pricing via Kickstarter is $50 plus shipping (around £35 / €40) – with delivery expected in June if all goes according to plan.
Hot on the footsteps of the smart home we have the smart garden, thanks to a new German company called CloudRain. Their product is designed to water your garden after checking local weather information so it knows what to do.
First, you need some kind of garden watering system. If you’ve got one, great. If not, you’ll need to buy some hosepipes or sprinklers.
You then fit special valves to your hosepipe system. If you’ve already got electrical valves that you can control from switches in your house, great. If not, CloudRain will sell you some that don’t need batteries or mains power because they have tiny solar cells to keep them working.
Next, you fit a control box. This works wirelessly with CloudRain’s solar powered valves and can also be wired into existing electrical watering systems.
Finally, you set up the app and it will then adjust the calculations depending on the weather.
This is another project on Kickstarter: for €259 you’re promised a controller, one special valve and a watering kit for up to 40 plant pots. There are various options available; delivery is expected in June.
If you’re saving time by not watering your garden, you’ll have more time to sit outside and enjoy it. You may even watch to sit outside and watch TV – but that’s not as easy as it sounds, because regular TVs and laptops aren’t designed to be watched in direct sunlight. They can’t really handle the heat, either. What you need is a television that’s been specifically created for this kind of thing – and that isn’t cheap.
That’s where ProofVision comes in. They’ve launched an outdoor television that is way more affordable that these things previously were.
For just under £2000 you can buy a high brightness 43-inch outdoor TV that adjusts itself to handle the glare, is water resistant and also handles any temperature between -20 and 60 Celsius – so you don’t need to bring it indoors in the winter. It has a Full HD screen and is less than 7cm deep. Of course, this isn’t just for houses – it’ll appeal to pubs and shops as well.
"Very many men manufacture complaints, either by suspecting what is untrue or by exaggerating the unimportant. Anger often comes to us, but more often we come to it. Never should we summon it; even when it falls on us, it should be cast off."
Seneca, On Anger(English translation by John William Basore)
Some people may remember the original Nokia 8110 from its nickname, the banana phone, because it had a slight curve. And some may remember it from its starring role in The Matrix, although the phones in the film had been modified.
What we have here is an update to the original Nokia 8110 phone, now from HMD Global. It still slides open to reveal the keypad and to answer calls – and you can still slam it shut to end your conversation.
Unlike the version from 1996, this new Nokia has some apps, so you can use Facebook, Twitter and Google. It has a 2.4-inch screen, it comes with a version of the classic Snake game, there’s a 2-megapixel camera and it’ll even take care of your contacts, calendar and email. Colour choices are Black or Banana Yellow.
Battery life is up to 25 days of standby time from a single charge. The phone’s expected to go on sale from May, priced at around €79 without a contract.
Last year’s Samsung Galaxy S8 and the bigger S8+ have been replaced by the Galaxy S9 and the S9+.
Physically, they’re still similar sizes with a 5.8-inch screen for the S9 and a 6.2-inch screen for the S9+. One of the big differences for 2018 is in the camera. The S9 has a Dual Aperture lens with a choice of f1.5 or f2.4 apertures, so it can let in more light for clearer photos when it’s dark. The S9+ goes one step further – one step closer, you might say – with the option of a telephoto lens as well. The cameras can also record extra-slow-motion video.
They run the latest version of the Android operating system and should go on sale at the end of next week; expect to pay around £739 / €849 without a contract.
Eyeball cameras are different from most security cameras. To start with, they’re supplied in a pack of three, they’re wireless, they detect movement, they detect noise and each has a rechargeable battery that can run for around 12 hours. They’re very much designed to be taken with you when you travel, perhaps on holiday or on a business trip, and used in conjunction with a smartphone.
So – you go to a hotel. You put one of your cameras on the bedside table. You can connect it to WiFi but even if you don’t, there’s a memory card slot for recording in 4K quality. When someone walks into your room, the motion detector spots them and you can get an alert on your phone. You can then watch a video stream on your phone if you want.
You can use them at home as well. The cameras are smart enough to know when you’re there – it’ll detect your phone using the WiFi – so you’ll only get alerts when an unauthorised person is there.
Eyeball cameras are being offered via the Indiegogo crowd-funding platform. Special offer pricing is currently $229 excluding delivery for a pack of three in the carry case, with availability expected in October.
Google Clips is different sort of clever camera. It was announced in October last year and has recently become available, although it’s still not officially on sale in Europe.
The camera itself is just two inches square. You point it at your subject. (If you’re not sure about the direction, you can use a mobile app to check.) Then you turn it on and leave it. That’s when the clever stuff starts. This camera is designed to capture special moments that might otherwise be forgotten. It uses technology – artificial intelligence, you might say – to work out what the interesting moments are and then to show them to you. It saves a collection of short video clips that can be saved a regular photo, as a video or as an animated GIF.
There’s 16GB of built-in storage and a battery that’ll last for about three hours non-stop, although the camera will go into standby mode if nothing seems to be happening. Pricing is $249.
The podenco is a distinctive-looking dog: tall and slender with a pointed face and oversized ears. Imagine a thin greyhound with 10% bat DNA and you’re almost there. Now imagine four of them in the back of a small car. My car. Their enthusiastic faces and their wagging tails are framed in the rear-view mirror. This wasn’t part of the plan.
It’s October 2017. My plan is to meet Suzannah for a cup of coffee and, almost inevitably, cake. But before we do that, her hounds need some exercise. We could walk the dogs around the block… or we could pop them in my car and take them into the fields. They love a run in the fields. Four pairs of doggy eyes gaze hopefully at me. How could I say no?
Our relationship hasn’t always been quite so laid back. Once we were unhappily married to each other. Today we’re neither. To be honest, Suzannah’s career focus has become something of an inspiration to me. I’m not sure if that’s because of everything or despite it. Anyway, the reason we’re meeting is because Dr Suzannah Stacey MRCVS is closing The Sussex Veterinary Acupuncture Referral Centre, which she’s been running for several years, she’s selling her home and she’s moving to Spain. There she’ll be helping to run the new Hope for Podencos Rescue Centre, which will be partially funded with the money from her house.
Podencos are remarkably tolerant creatures, as our cramped car journey proves. Unfortunately this doesn’t always help them. These dogs are sometimes deliberately underfed and neglected in Spain by owners who believe this improves their hunting ability. And if that doesn’t work, they’re likely to be abandoned or killed. With unwanted podencos often seen as unsuitable pets, it seems these elegant hounds need some human advocates.
Hence the rescue work and the associated charity. "When you get to the pearly gates, it’s all about what you’ve done", Suzannah tells me as I finally sit down with a piece of pear and chocolate cake. "It’s ‘have you made a difference?’" She’s definitely making a difference: already working with a small group of people who are rescuing dogs and – thanks to a friendly Spanish airline – transporting some to new homes in the UK.
Suzannah and her own rescued dogs – Ollie, Elsa, Eleanor and Lucy – drive to Spain in November. Her Instagram and Facebook posts show the new centre with dogs scampering around in the sun. I regularly check online, determined to visit before too long and maybe even to write the defining story of podenco rescue in the 21st century. She tells me she has all the background information I need.
A Facebook message informs me about Suzannah’s death just a few weeks after Christmas. Sudden, unexpected, tragic. A potential tragedy for the charity, too: with paperwork incomplete, they won’t receive the money needed to complete the purchase of the Spanish centre.
And then... well, not a miracle but certainly hope. Light in the darkness. An online campaign to save the centre in Suzannah’s memory manages to raise half the money needed in a few weeks. Although it’s still €60,000 short of its target, the deadline for payment has been pushed back. Raising the rest of the money feels achievable. It would be easy for me to look back at my last conversation with Suz as portentous. Maybe it was.
Sonic Soak is a little cylindrical device that's made of stainless steel, just over four inches long. It’s attached with a wire to a separate controller that plugs into the mains.
You put whatever you’re cleaning into a tray or bucket with some water, pop the cylinder in there as well, turn it on and it creates ultrasonic waves that travel through the water. Fifty thousand vibrations per second create little bubbles that burst, and that’s what does the cleaning.
What can you clean? Clothes, especially those that are only suitable for hand washing, like silk or lace. (It’ll work with up to four litres of water and up to four pounds of clothes.) You can clean jewellery and silverware. You can clean children’s toys and baby’s bottles. You can even clean fruit and vegetables.
Not only does it use much less water than a conventional washing machine, it also uses less energy.
The device is being produced by a company in Los Angeles called Sonic Soak, which is launching the product via crowd-funding site IndieGoGo. Standard pricing is expected to be $250 plus shipping but there are special pre-launch offers. Mycroft Mark II
Here’s another crowd-funded product. Mycroft is a voice-controlled assistant, like Amazon Echo and Google Home.
Unlike some other products, the company lets anyone look at its software so you can see exactly what happens. Does it save your voice recordings after you've talked to it? No, it doesn’t. Does it sell your information to advertisers? No, it doesn’t. Does it create its own targeted advertising? No, it doesn’t.
So what does it do?
Mycroft is a smart loudspeaker that’ll find answers when you talk to it, it’ll play music, it’ll take care of your diary and it has a little touch-controlled screen as well – which is nice if you ask it for things that work visually, like countdown timers or weather forecasts.
The unit sits just under eight inches tall. Inside there are six individual microphones to pick up your voice, it plays stereo with two-inch drivers putting out 10W of music, there’s a Bluetooth connection, a USB socket and a memory card slot. At the moment it just speaks English but developers are working on other European languages.
When it comes to talent, the joy of open software means other people can build skills for Mycroft. So as well as the usual weather and news stuff you might ask a smart loudspeaker, it can potentially control your lights, check your email, log into Facebook… if it’s online, there’s a good chance your Mycroft can talk to it.
Shipping is expected before the end of the year; pricing is $129 (around £90) plus shipping via Kickstarter.
Shell is a smartwatch that can turn into a 4G smartphone and also has what the designers say is “the world’s first built-in manual charging solution”.
There are little wings that pop out the side of the watch. Squeeze them for a few minutes and they’ll give you a few more minutes of talk time on your watch.
Also in the watch is a 360-degree rotating camera that’ll take 12-megapixel photos. Battery life is up to five days of standby or five hours of talktime.
There’ll be three models to choose from: the Signature Model starts at $250 [approx. €200/£180], there’s also a lower-priced adaptor that’ll let people turn their existing smartwatch into a smartphone and a higher-priced version that includes a two-way walkie-talkie as well.
A Chinese company called Ryze has recently announced a £99 (€109) drone called the Tello, with help from drone specialists DJI and chip manufacturer Intel.
This drone literally fits into the palm of your hand. It weighs around 80g (including the rechargeable battery) and is 10cm long.
Does that affect its performance? Of course it does. There’s a maximum range of around 100 metres and a maximum flight time of 13 minutes before it needs recharging. In fact, it’s so small you won’t want to take it outdoors if there’s any kind of breeze at all.
Despite this, it carries a 5 megapixel camera that can also shoot 720p video and has built-in electronic image stabilisation. It also has a collision detection system, it can fly itself if you take your hands off the controls and it sends live video to your phone or tablet. You can also program it, which means it’s not just a toy but could encourage young engineers to learn coding.
The HU80K could be described as the equivalent of a 150-inch 4K ultra-high definition television - but actually, it's not actually a television at all. Instead, it's LG's first 4K UHD projector, which has already won a CES Best of Innovation award.
What's most notable about this is the size: not the picture but the projector itself, which is around half as big as some of its competitors. Despite this, it can project a 150-inch image at 2,500 lumens - that's brighter than a number of rival products - and it even supports HDR for better contrast.
Unlike traditional projectors, it sits upright and can be moved around easily. There are a couple of 7-watt speakers for sound and it'll even connect to the internet like a smart TV, as well as offering USB, Ethernet and HDMI ports.
Verdera Voice Lighted Mirror
American company Kohler says this is the first announcement of a bathroom mirror that has Amazon Alexa built-in. Alexa is one of those intelligent assistants that can answer questions and interact with smart home appliances.
Inside Verdera you’ll find a dual microphone for voice control, stereo speakers in sealed casings, a motion-activated nightlight and LED lights for everyday use. The whole thing connects to your home broadband by WiFi.
Now, that’s all very clever. You can get Alexa to read you the news headlines when you’re cleaning your teeth. You can even turn on the lights in the mirror. But it can also control other 'smart' products from Kohler.
Maybe you'd like to control your shower or even run the bath by talking to the mirror. Water temperature, music, steam… all these things can be controlled by your voice.
Here comes Acer with what they’re calling the World’s Thinnest Laptop. It’s the new version of the Acer Swift 7, which they’ve whittled down to 8.98mm thin. It runs Windows 10 on an Intel Core i7 processor and includes a 4G LTE connection, so you can use mobile data as well as WiFi.
Rather than running with a mechanical hard drive, it’s got a 256GB solid-state disc and a battery that’ll last for up to 10 hours. It’s equipped with a 14-inch touchscreen and a backlit keyboard, plus a fingerprint reader for extra security.
Portable photo printers - for phones, tablets and laptops - are getting smaller. The Kodak Mini 2 Instant Photo Printer prints credit card-sized photos (2.1-inches by 3.4-inches) using 4Pass dye-sublimation printing technology. (Dye sublimation refers to the heat process, while 4Pass means there are four layers of colour.)
This, according to Kodak, is the world’s smallest dye-sublimation photo printer. It’ll work with Android devices, iPhones and iPads – and it means you can print your own photos, stuff from social media or even web pages. There’s also a mobile app for editing shots and cropping them to fit on the photo paper.
The printer itself runs from rechargeable batteries and is 5.2 inches long, 3 inches wide and 1 inch deep. You buy the paper and the ink as a single unit that’ll print 20, 30 or 50 pictures.
