Emma Watson, Normality and The Observer

Did you hear about Emma Watson? Apparently she's failing to be 'normal' in a fantasy world, whatever that means. Those are the words of The Observer, offering clickbait comment wrapped up as concerned advice from a friend you didn't want. Disappointingly, it's as happy to feast on Ms Watson's fame as the tabloids.

The Observer's article starts with a quote from actor Helen McCrory. "So often when you meet child actors they're weird, they're freaks. No, I mean it, they're really odd people", she's quoted as saying. The original ITN interview continues "because they have a very weird life that as an adult you can just about get your head around".

Who's she talking about? Well, it's something she said eight years ago to endorse Asa Butterfield, who'd just co-starred with her in the film Hugo. "For a child to go through that and not end up very strange is really exceptional, and he's managed it."

There's no apparent reason to assume this is a snide reference to anyone specific, let alone Emma Watson, who'd been seventeen when she'd filmed Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince with McCrory, but that's what this article does. And then it builds on this assumed strangeness by throwing in the slyly pejorative 'precocious daughter of two divorced lawyers'.

Okay, being chosen as a child to audition for a film role is unusual. But 'strange'? I'm not sure. Graduating from university is apparently also an indicator of her strangeness, as is campaigning for gender equality. The article talks of Watson as 'an earnest believer in the ability to use her fame for good' but that's not enough for The Observer. 'Her controversial comments about ‘self-partnering’ may not have helped her', the paper says. It doesn't want to judge, of course, which is why there's a slippery 'may not' in there. It's the OTHER media that's been judging - The Observer handily provides a list - but not THIS newspaper. Except, well, it can't resist a bit of sarcasm. 'By apparently looking to reinvent an identity hitherto explained by the drably last-century concept of being, say, “happily single”, Watson said that “self-partnering” was a state that she had reached.'

Riiight. A hyphenated construct rather than two separate words. That's what this is all about. A repurposed quote, a list of other people's complaints, attacking Emma Watson without being seen to lay a finger on her, plausible deniability. Oops, no, not plausible deniability. The Observer goes on to nail its colours to the mast: Watson is 'indelibly sensitive and prone to navel-gazing'. Unfair, I say. The sensitivity is hardly surprising, given the behaviour of elements of the media, whilst the navel-gazing accusation is the inevitable result of being expected to explain yourself in every interview. Even if it's true, none of this justifies commissioning an article for a national newspaper.

Watson's often found herself 'a target for cruelty, rather than sympathy', the paper tells us. Indeed so. In fact, the article is a perfect example. How very meta. Criticism speckled with fragments of faux concern, sentences plucked from other people's interviews and a punchline that says she should 'try to learn and do better'.

She's doing very much better than I would have done in the same circumstances, I think. And showing a better example than the newspaper column, too.

July 2018 'gadget guru' tech for TRE Talk Radio Europe

Here's a reminder of the technology I talked about in my July 2018 TRE Talk Radio Europe 'gadget guru' chat:

BlackBerry KEY2

A long, long time ago in the world of mobile phones – about ten years, I suppose – if you needed a phone for work, there was really only one brand to consider: BlackBerry. Not least because BlackBerry phones had a physical keyboard for writing your email messages.

BlackBerry is still around – and last month it launched the KEY2 smartphone, which it’s calling ‘the most advanced BlackBerry smartphone yet’. Actually, to be totally correct, it’s TCL Communication that’s making the phone: they’ve licensed the BlackBerry brand.


What do you get? Well, you still have a physical keyboard, now combined with a 4.5-inch touchscreen as well. In fact, this keyboard is improved even from the previous model; the keys are 20% higher is should make them more comfortable and more accurate to use. And when you don’t need a keyboard, it can function as a trackpad for scrolling though web pages.

Pricing is around €649 (£579) without a contract. If you want a smartphone for business – especially if your business involves writing a lot – it’s certainly worth looking at. If you want a phone for watching videos and taking photos, there’s plenty of competition.

Square Off

This looks like a conventional chess board with wooden pieces, although it’s a bit thicker than usual and you’ll spot a charging socket and an on/off switch if you look closely. You set it up as normal - the pieces are magnetic - and then get ready to play. Each square is an inch-and-a-half across, to give you some idea of scale.

The board can connect wirelessly with your phone, turning it into a chess computer with different levels of play. But unlike most other chess computers, you don’t need to move your opponent’s pieces: the board moves them itself, using a magnetic arm that’s hidden underneath.

The manufacturers also say you’ll soon be able to play against millions of other people around the world. That’s where the mobile phone connection really comes into its own. If each of you has a Square Off board, you’ll see your opponent’s pieces move on your board. On the other hand, you’ll be able to play against people who don’t have a board as long as they’ve got the right app on their phone.

There are two versions available: the regular one is currently on sale for $329 (around €280) plus shipping; there’s also an even smarter one for $399. The dearer version includes space on the board for captured pieces and what’s undoubtedly my favourite feature: a reset button that sends all the chess pieces back to their original positions when the game is over.

Nano Cure Tent

The premise behind this is pretty simple: if you snag a regular tent on a fence or on brambles, it lets in the water. This particular tent is made from high-tech fabric that seals little holes if you rub them with your fingers.

What actually happens is that the fabric doesn’t actually break but the fibres are pushed apart when it’s pierced. Rubbing it with your fingers causes those fibres to move back into shape.

Up to four people can sleep in the tent; it's is available for $200 (around €170) via crowd-funding site Kickstarter.com and, if all goes well, they’re expecting to start shipping in December.

FOCI

This is a biometric wearable that's all about focusing on your work and not getting distracted so much. And yes, there’s surely a fair amount of irony that you’re using an electronic device in order to stop being distracted by electronic devices.

Foci clips to your waist, perhaps your belt or whatever else you’re wearing. It claims to track focus, distraction, stress and fatigue, with feedback shown on your phone as a coloured ball. The device itself will vibrate when your focus drops. If this happens, the app can guide you to get you back into 'the zone'.

You’re probably wondering how Foci works. The answer is that the device monitors small differences in your breathing between when you’re focused and when you’re distracted. These readings are sent wirelessly to your mobile phone and processed by the UK-based company behind all this. As well as getting instant feedback you can also see how you’ve performed on previous days.

I’ve not used one but from the reviews I’ve seen it seems to work well although it’s (understandably) not perfect, which in itself could be a distraction.

This is another crowd-funded product: at the moment, you can order via Indiegogo for $73.

It's all about what you've done...

The podenco is a distinctive-looking dog: tall and slender with a pointed face and oversized ears. Imagine a thin greyhound with 10% bat DNA and you’re almost there. Now imagine four of them in the back of a small car. My car. Their enthusiastic faces and their wagging tails are framed in the rear-view mirror. This wasn’t part of the plan. It’s October 2017. My plan is to meet Suzannah for a cup of coffee and, almost inevitably, cake. But before we do that, her hounds need some exercise. We could walk the dogs around the block… or we could pop them in my car and take them into the fields. They love a run in the fields. Four pairs of doggy eyes gaze hopefully at me. How could I say no?

Our relationship hasn’t always been quite so laid back. Once we were unhappily married to each other. Today we’re neither. To be honest, Suzannah’s career focus has become something of an inspiration to me. I’m not sure if that’s because of everything or despite it. Anyway, the reason we’re meeting is because Dr Suzannah Stacey MRCVS is closing The Sussex Veterinary Acupuncture Referral Centre, which she’s been running for several years, she’s selling her home and she’s moving to Spain. There she’ll be helping to run the new Hope for Podencos Rescue Centre, which will be partially funded with the money from her house.

Podencos are remarkably tolerant creatures, as our cramped car journey proves. Unfortunately this doesn’t always help them. These dogs are sometimes deliberately underfed and neglected in Spain by owners who believe this improves their hunting ability. And if that doesn’t work, they’re likely to be abandoned or killed. With unwanted podencos often seen as unsuitable pets, it seems these elegant hounds need some human advocates.

Hence the rescue work and the associated charity. "When you get to the pearly gates, it’s all about what you’ve done", Suzannah tells me as I finally sit down with a piece of pear and chocolate cake. "It’s ‘have you made a difference?’" She’s definitely making a difference: already working with a small group of people who are rescuing dogs and – thanks to a friendly Spanish airline – transporting some to new homes in the UK.

Suzannah and her own rescued dogs – Ollie, Elsa, Eleanor and Lucy – drive to Spain in November. Her Instagram and Facebook posts show the new centre with dogs scampering around in the sun. I regularly check online, determined to visit before too long and maybe even to write the defining story of podenco rescue in the 21st century. She tells me she has all the background information I need.

A Facebook message informs me about Suzannah’s death just a few weeks after Christmas. Sudden, unexpected, tragic. A potential tragedy for the charity, too: with paperwork incomplete, they won’t receive the money needed to complete the purchase of the Spanish centre.

And then... well, not a miracle but certainly hope. Light in the darkness. An online campaign to save the centre in Suzannah’s memory manages to raise half the money needed in a few weeks. Although it’s still €60,000 short of its target, the deadline for payment has been pushed back. Raising the rest of the money feels achievable. It would be easy for me to look back at my last conversation with Suz as portentous. Maybe it was.

Copy deadline

It's 1877. Newspaper reporter Archibald Forbes needs to write a report about the Russo-Turkish war but hasn't slept for the previous three days:

"I told the waiter to bring me a pint of dry champagne, unopened. I took the cork out, put the neck of the bottle into my mouth, drank it with all the fizz, sat up and wrote the four columns you read next morning in the Daily News."

From Famous War Correspondents by F Lauriston Bullard; quoted in The First Casualty by Phillip Knightley.

Every person you interview...

"Every person you interview becomes a kind of mentor of the moment." 

American journalist Gay Talese, interviewed in Esquire by Cal Fussman.

The reluctant interviewee

Artist Edward Burra is being interviewed by Carole Smith for an Arts Council film that was released in 1973:

"Do you think you're clever at fending questions off?"
"Hmm. Seem to be fairly, one way and another, don't you think? You do? Mmm."

"Would you say you were a difficult person to interview?"
"I should say so. I'm not very forthcoming, I don't think."

An audio clip can be found on BBC Radio 4's Great Lives programme from September 2014.

A lavish lunch and exotic drinks… all when he should be working

• Copywriter enjoys his second meal of the day
• Secret sandwich in intimate writer’s retreat

He’s supposed to be working for clients but copywriter Mark Bridge has been spotted eating lunch instead.

Sources have told how the self-employed scribe made himself a sandwich before carrying it back to his desk.

The writer also found time to boil his retro-style kettle and make a cup of rare Rooibos tea, brewed from leaves only found in South Africa’s fynbos region and enjoyed by many other glamorous A-listers. Controversially, he was seen to add milk to the drink.

Left-over pork from Thursday’s dinner was combined with spicy sweet chilli sauce in a pitta bread, leaving some to suggest Mr Bridge had been taking culinary tips from celebrity chefs like Jamie and Nigella.

He started writing professionally more than ten years ago, although creativity was clearly in the blood as childhood friends tell how he’d pretended to be a newspaper reporter from a very young age.

Mr Bridge was unavailable for comment today.

How do you write a good restaurant review?

How do you write a decent restaurant review?   That's my challenge. I've written about many things in my time but - until now - haven't written a review of a meal. That's just about to change.

In many ways, I reckon the answer is pretty obvious. A meal is a slice of time; a story. You plan, you arrive, you look around at the venue and its customers, you're seated, you receive advice about the food, you choose from the menu, you wait, you eat, you drink, you pay, you leave.

The answer everyone's waiting for is whether or not you enjoyed the experience. Was the food good, what were the staff like, was the restaurant attractive?  In a sentence - or perhaps a tweet - how would you describe the restaurant, its menu and your visit?

Then there's the potentially embarrassing part: snapping a photograph. It's all very well describing the presentation of the food but taking a picture can provide a perfect summary. It can also make you look like the odd bloke at the end of the table. Food photography is a specialist profession, so a few quick shots by candlelight will never match the studio set-up used for cookery books and TV shows - yet switching off the flash and using the macro setting on a standard camera can produce perfectly acceptable results for many publications.

I also need to remember that the food is the story. That's not to say I won't mention my journey there or the accident when I dipped my tie into the soup - and I might even crack a joke or two - but it's a review I'm writing, not a stand-up comedy routine.

From a personal perspective, one of the first criteria I use whenever I eat out is "could I have cooked this myself - and could I have cooked it better?"   My catering qualifications didn't progress much beyond "Mark tries hard" in a school report, so I'm not in a position to be hyper-critical. Besides, we all have a bad day sometimes. As long as I'm honest and accurate, I reckon I'll do okay.

Notebook?   Pen?  Camera?   Wallet?   Appetite?   Right, I'm ready to begin.

Man issues press release after witnessing news event

• Shameless attempt to gain publicity
• No direct connection with the event
• Does a quick survey

BRIGHTON, UK, 15th June 2012

Following a news event somewhere in the world that gained a considerable amount of media attention in the tabloid press, a survey by internationally-acclaimed copywriter Mark Bridge has revealed that around 50% of people agreed with what happened. Astonishingly, a further 50% disagreed.

The incident didn’t really have anything to do with Mr Bridge or the people he interviewed. Nevertheless, he formed an opinion and later asked others what they thought. Many people sympathised with the subject of the news story – possibly an elderly woman whose fence had fallen down, a young mother whose child doesn’t like strawberries, an orphaned ducking or the relative of a Big Brother contestant. Others didn't.

Mark Bridge, who conducted the survey for no reason except to publicise himself, said “The news is full of things that happen. Some are often referred to as ‘good news’. Others are ‘bad news’. By picking one of these events and talking about it, I’ve gained valuable publicity.”

He added “I’ll now say something with a tenuous link between the news event and the services offered by my business. It doesn't really make sense but I'm hoping you won't notice.”

-----ENDS-----

About Mark Bridge
Mark Bridge is a copywriter who also produces and co-presents a weekly podcast for the mobile phone industry. He receives too many press releases that don't say anything important.

Getting Entrepreneurial About Journalism

There comes a time when you need to feel the fear and do it anyway. When you want to change your life in seven days. When you stop hoping a few affiliate links will generate any revenue and decide to actually do something instead.

By you, I mean me, of course.

And so with a spring in my step and a childlike delight at catching the train to London, I set off yesterday to hear Milo Yiannopoulos talk on the subject of Getting Entrepreneurial About Journalism.

“Sassy and enthusiastic young writers are quietly earning a living by supplementing their expertise with events and consulting services and by building their reputations as connectors and pundits.”

Hey, that could be me. Enthusiastic, if not sassy.

“There are more opportunities for enterprising writers to make their name and make a living than ever before.”

Excellent news. The making of my name and my living will start anew.

The event promised that Milo Yiannopoulos would share his experiences setting up technology publication The Kernel, explaining what has worked and what hasn’t.

Indeed he did.

He started the evening at London’s General Assembly by telling the two or three dozen of us there that he’d talk about his experiences with The Kernel (which launched slightly less than five months ago and has been a financial success) and would then move on to the ‘future of content’ - what people pay for.

It is a myth, Milo said, that writing is profitable. After the pamphleteers of the early 18th century, journalism has been subsidised by advertising and supported by patrons.

Today, he said, the patronage model is becoming relevant again - thanks to paying customers, not rich benefactors.

Quite simply, you need to create content that people like and will pay for.

A moment of joyous hyperbole (it was hyperbole, wasn’t it?) saw Copyblogger’s business model described as “immoral” as Milo offered his own perspective on writing for profit.

Again, it’s simple. You need content that will do one (or both) of two things.

You need to educate, to address controversy, to introduce something new... to make people gasp.

And you need to make people laugh, because fundamentally we’re all miserable.

The Daily Mail was offered as an example of a publication that was getting some things right; addressing vulnerabilities and lifting people up to give a vision of ‘better’.

But ultimately there’s no money in ‘reporting’, Milo said. People put money behind individuals, not brands. Which means, when you’re writing editorial, you need to ask yourself “What can I do that nobody else can do?”

It seems the secret to making money from content isn’t a secret.

Make people gasp. Make people laugh. And do it in a unique way.

We gasped. We laughed. We went home.

---

Since last night I’ve seen a little online chatter about the event, with some people relatively happy and others less so.

Did the event deliver what it promised?  Well, despite the title, all it ever promised was Milo’s experiences in setting up The Kernel. So yes, I’d argue it did.

Did it deliver all the title suggested?   In an object lesson, you might say. To get entrepreneurial about journalism, you talk about your unique personal experience, you inform your audience, you entertain your audience... and you charge them £20 a head.

---

UPDATE: I receive an email on Friday afternoon.

Hey Everyone, Thank you for attending last night's Getting Entrepreneurial About Journalism class with Milo Yiannopoulos. GA education is about delivering high quality, practical, and actionable insights from top practitioners in the field. Last night's course did not meet the high standards that we set for ourselves and that you should expect from us. We have gone ahead and refunded your money and we hope that you'll accept our sincerest apologies. Our Education Team works hard to keep these slip-ups rare, and we hope you'll come check out another class soon.

Super injunctions? Take a tip from the mobile industry

This morning I walked past the rack of newspapers in my local shop. Alongside the shocking news that the Duchess of Cambridge actually buys food - don’t get me started! - were headlines about Gabby Logan. The TV presenter was denying she’d had an affair with Alan Shearer, which many people had previously suggested was concealed by a so-called super injunction.

“What does this have to do with mobile phones?”, I hear you ask. Not much, to be honest. But it reminded me of a telecoms news story from November 2009.

Back then, the Information Commissioner’s Office announced it had “been working with a mobile telephone company” after the firm appeared to have discovered a number of employees selling information about customers’ mobile phone contracts.

It didn’t reveal which company it had been talking to… but after Vodafone, O2, Orange and Three had all issued denials, T-Mobile eventually confirmed it was the network involved.

And that got me thinking.

Gabby’s set the ball rolling. All we need is a few more denials to help narrow down the super-injunctees. Assuming, of course, anyone really cares who they are.

Okay, I’ll get back to work now. Hang on… she put WHAT in her shopping trolley?

According to our experts...

One of this morning's news headlines is a report from Billmonitor that claims the UK's mobile phone users are spending almost £5 million per year more than they need. Billmonitor is a mobile tariff price comparison site that's been approved by Ofcom, which helps them stand out from the crowd. However, what's also being mentioned in reports is that the company was "invented by mathematicians in Oxford". (For example, the BBC refers to "a group of Oxford mathematicians behind a start-up firm called Billmonitor"). Whilst the company is indeed based in Oxford - and I don't doubt the involvement of mathematicians - I can't help but notice how the public positioning of Billmonitor differs from that of other comparison websites. I doubt that similar figures would have been given as much credence if they'd been presented by Gio Gompario, Aleksandr Orlov or even Omid Djalili.

The accidental photo-journalist, part 3

The University of Lincoln's student newspaper has borrowed another of my photos. This one's a football fan from the last time England was knocked out the World Cup.

Breaking News?

The front page of 'Grazia' includes the following message:

Breaking News
Is Angelina pregnant?

Leaving aside the 'news' aspect of a 34-year-old woman in a stable relationship possibly having a child, I'm inclined to ask something else.

Can 'Breaking News' ever involve a question?

The accidental photo-journalist, part 2

One of my photos has been used to accompany an article in the University of Lincoln's student newspaper. Could a new career as the UK's leading snail-and-coin photographer be awaiting me?

Photo-journalism

I seem to have accidentally become a photo-journalist, thanks to Flickr.