Designing the right incentive scheme

Some basic rules for an incentive scheme, as offered in 'Think Like A Freak' by Steven D Levitt and Stephen J Dubner:

1. Discover what people care about
2. Choose something that's valuable to them but cheap for you
3. Pay attention to how people respond - and learn from it
4. Create a cooperative incentive, if possible
5. Appreciate that some people will try to manipulate your scheme

Come, They Trolled Him

November 2015: Digital Cinema Media (DCM), which arranges advertising for many of the UK's biggest cinemas (Cineworld, Odeon and Vue), decides not to take an ad from one potential client.

"Astonishing, disappointing and rather bewildering", says the client, which happens to be the Church of England. DCM says its policy is not to accept any political or religious advertising. "Some advertisements - unintentionally or otherwise - could cause offence to those of differing political persuasions, as well as to those of differing faiths and indeed of no faith." An appropriately sensitive decision or a threat to free speech?

Much press coverage follows.

December 2015: Advertising network Churchads.net and Christian communications business Premier approach DCM with a potential ad to promote their 'Christmas starts with Christ' campaign.

DCM declines again, for exactly the same reason. ”DCM has a long-standing policy of not accepting political or religious advertising in the cinemas we represent."

Press coverage follows. Once more.

Christmas is coming, the cups are getting red...

Starbucks. In the last few years I've heard some bad things about the coffee retailing giant. Purveyors of high-calorie beverages. Tax avoiders. There was even a suggestion their logo was similar to that of a satanic order. Even so, describing them as being in league with the devil might seem hyperbolic. Yet it seems some Christians would disagree.

The beginning of this story is pretty straightforward. As Christmas approaches, Starbucks introduces red takeaway cups. The red cups also mark the introduction of limited-availability festive drinks, including eggnog and gingerbread flavours.

Every year, Starbucks changes the design of its cups. We've seen carol-singers, snowflakes, Christmas trees, snowmen - and this year, simply plain red. That has enraged some Christian activists, who claim the company is involved in 'Christian Culture Cleansing' and is avoiding saying 'Merry Christmas' to customers.

Even US presidential candidate Donald Trump has weighed in, offering "Maybe we should boycott Starbucks? I don't know. Seriously, I don't care." as well as "If I become president, we're all going to be saying Merry Christmas again, that I can tell you."

Except... well, Starbucks is still talking about Christmas. It's produced a special Christmas Blend of coffee. It's selling Christmas gifts. And pretty much all the previous on-cup imagery can be traced back to non-Christian traditions, so removing it was arguably most offensive to pagans rather than any religion that had 'borrowed' it.

Voices of reason include Cardinal Dolan, Archbishop of New York, who pointed out "I don't think it's like Starbucks had the Christmas crib on their cups to begin with", and actor/producer Candace Cameron Bure, who said "A Santa, a snowflake, some holly, a polar bear, some jingle bells or plain red cup don’t define Christmas for me as a Christian".

A religious boycott prompted by takeaway coffee? That sounds like a storm in a... no, too easy.

Just give me the long number from your bank card

My mother makes notes. Not always, just when there's something to tell me. Her latest contains a name (Natalie) and a telephone number (0800 0119290), along with the words 'stop all calls' and 'pay with Visa, give a password'. Apparently Natalie had phoned and had offered to help protect mum against unwanted sales calls. The irony of Natalie herself being an unwanted sales call was apparently never addressed.

"Just give me the long number from your card" was one of Natalie's preferred phrases, mum tells me. Given that mum treats her bank card as being more precious than the money it offers access to, that was never going to happen. Besides, she's already registered with the Telephone Preference Service (TPS), which is (a) a free service and (b) the official opt-out list for avoiding unsolicited sales or marketing calls.

So what exactly was Natalie offering? Well, it seems she was promising to sign mum up to some kind of minimum-term contract deal. For a recurring fee, Nuisance Protect Ltd would register mum with the Telephone Preference Service and the Mail Preference Service (which is free if you do it yourself) and would contact companies that ignore the TPS or MPS regulations (although there was no explanation of how they'd find contact details for these errant organisations).

And - according to their website - "if a company contacts you and asks you for banking information over the phone", they will "search government websites and do as much research as possible on these companies to ensure that you are not going to fall victim to fraud and they are safe and reputable to be dealing with".

So I imagine it would tell me that Nuisance Protect Limited was incorporated on 18th June 2014 and the registered office appears to be a terraced house at 29 Nimbus Close, Littlehampton, BN17 6RX. It would also point out that Nuisance Protect had the status of 'dormant' when it published its last set of accounts (30th June 2015), with company director Mark Strange noting the business had assets of just £1. I don't think mum's going to help them increase that figure.

How not to start your podcast

I’ve mentioned podcasting before, haven’t I? You see, I enjoy podcasting. And I enjoy podcasts. Some I listen to for entertainment. Some I listen to in the hope they’ll improve my own podcasting by offering tips and techniques I can borrow.

Some – like the ExtraShot podcast for video professionals – are very listenable even when you only have a very basic understanding of the subject. It offers an impressive combination of personalities and production values that kept me listening even when I had no idea what the two presenters were talking about.

And some demonstrate rather spectacularly how things shouldn’t be done.

I won’t name-and-shame the company whose podcast I’ve just heard, so let’s just say they have hundreds of employees and millions of customers. They provide a product and service that’s all about helping you store, organise and present information.

Now let’s jump straight into their latest podcast:

[theme tune, followed by brief introductions of the three presenters]

Voice 1: Those that are paying attention may notice that the last podcast was number 40.

Voice 2: No-one’s paying attention.

Voice 1: No-one’s paying attention. Someone’s paying attention. Who’s that one person, mom?

Voice 2: Not my mom. My mom gave up. She stopped listening to this. It’s true.

Voice 1: Erm. We’re now at 42 because we did record a 41…

Voice 2: …but it was lost forever.

Voice 1: It’s just on my computer…

Voice 2: Oh, it’s not lost.

Voice 1: …and all I need to do is listen to it.

Voice 3: So you will release these out of order on purpose?

Voice 1: I think that is about to happen. Although who knows when this will get released. So…

Voice 2: When did we record 41? It was like a year…

Voice 1: Six months ago.

Voice 2: Six months ago.

Voice 3: Do you have to explain the cliff-hanger then, like…?

Voice 1: You know what’s funny, though? Number 40 – because we haven’t done this in a year – number 40 was about the previous conference.

Voice 2: No way.

Voice 1: And there was a cliff-hanger at the end where we said “We just have too much stuff. We’re gonna do part 2 in the next podcast.” Then when we recorded the next podcast we didn’t.

Voice 2: We forgot.

Voice 1: Because we forgot. [Laughter] And now we’re gonna talk about this year’s conference.

I didn’t make it beyond the first couple of minutes, so the company’s 2014 conference (which took place two months earlier) remains a mystery.

Look, I understand that podcasts need personality. Yes, some of this is ‘banter’ – so let’s not take it too seriously – but it’s also being broadcast in the company’s name on the company’s web site, so I’m not going to dismiss it completely.

Ultimately, I’m left in no doubt that this particular company doesn’t have much commitment to its podcasts. And that doesn’t reflect well on its products, either.

Who's up for a spot of sponsor bingo during the Olympics opening ceremony?

In a blog post dated tomorrow (oops), Samsung has confirmed that its Galaxy Note and Galaxy SIII mobile phones have a role in the opening ceremony for the London 2012 Olympic Games.

With the BBC already having made the most of its ‘official broadcaster’ status by apparently adding a few BBC-contracted celebrity runners during the torch relay, I was wondering whether any of the other sponsors will also be making an opening-night appearance. McDonalds?  Coca Cola?  I reckon we’ll probably be able to spot quite a few of the Olympic Partners throughout the event.

An event that I’m very much looking forward to watching on TV, in case you wondered.

Man issues press release after witnessing news event

• Shameless attempt to gain publicity
• No direct connection with the event
• Does a quick survey

BRIGHTON, UK, 15th June 2012

Following a news event somewhere in the world that gained a considerable amount of media attention in the tabloid press, a survey by internationally-acclaimed copywriter Mark Bridge has revealed that around 50% of people agreed with what happened. Astonishingly, a further 50% disagreed.

The incident didn’t really have anything to do with Mr Bridge or the people he interviewed. Nevertheless, he formed an opinion and later asked others what they thought. Many people sympathised with the subject of the news story – possibly an elderly woman whose fence had fallen down, a young mother whose child doesn’t like strawberries, an orphaned ducking or the relative of a Big Brother contestant. Others didn't.

Mark Bridge, who conducted the survey for no reason except to publicise himself, said “The news is full of things that happen. Some are often referred to as ‘good news’. Others are ‘bad news’. By picking one of these events and talking about it, I’ve gained valuable publicity.”

He added “I’ll now say something with a tenuous link between the news event and the services offered by my business. It doesn't really make sense but I'm hoping you won't notice.”

-----ENDS-----

About Mark Bridge
Mark Bridge is a copywriter who also produces and co-presents a weekly podcast for the mobile phone industry. He receives too many press releases that don't say anything important.

Getting Entrepreneurial About Journalism

There comes a time when you need to feel the fear and do it anyway. When you want to change your life in seven days. When you stop hoping a few affiliate links will generate any revenue and decide to actually do something instead.

By you, I mean me, of course.

And so with a spring in my step and a childlike delight at catching the train to London, I set off yesterday to hear Milo Yiannopoulos talk on the subject of Getting Entrepreneurial About Journalism.

“Sassy and enthusiastic young writers are quietly earning a living by supplementing their expertise with events and consulting services and by building their reputations as connectors and pundits.”

Hey, that could be me. Enthusiastic, if not sassy.

“There are more opportunities for enterprising writers to make their name and make a living than ever before.”

Excellent news. The making of my name and my living will start anew.

The event promised that Milo Yiannopoulos would share his experiences setting up technology publication The Kernel, explaining what has worked and what hasn’t.

Indeed he did.

He started the evening at London’s General Assembly by telling the two or three dozen of us there that he’d talk about his experiences with The Kernel (which launched slightly less than five months ago and has been a financial success) and would then move on to the ‘future of content’ - what people pay for.

It is a myth, Milo said, that writing is profitable. After the pamphleteers of the early 18th century, journalism has been subsidised by advertising and supported by patrons.

Today, he said, the patronage model is becoming relevant again - thanks to paying customers, not rich benefactors.

Quite simply, you need to create content that people like and will pay for.

A moment of joyous hyperbole (it was hyperbole, wasn’t it?) saw Copyblogger’s business model described as “immoral” as Milo offered his own perspective on writing for profit.

Again, it’s simple. You need content that will do one (or both) of two things.

You need to educate, to address controversy, to introduce something new... to make people gasp.

And you need to make people laugh, because fundamentally we’re all miserable.

The Daily Mail was offered as an example of a publication that was getting some things right; addressing vulnerabilities and lifting people up to give a vision of ‘better’.

But ultimately there’s no money in ‘reporting’, Milo said. People put money behind individuals, not brands. Which means, when you’re writing editorial, you need to ask yourself “What can I do that nobody else can do?”

It seems the secret to making money from content isn’t a secret.

Make people gasp. Make people laugh. And do it in a unique way.

We gasped. We laughed. We went home.

---

Since last night I’ve seen a little online chatter about the event, with some people relatively happy and others less so.

Did the event deliver what it promised?  Well, despite the title, all it ever promised was Milo’s experiences in setting up The Kernel. So yes, I’d argue it did.

Did it deliver all the title suggested?   In an object lesson, you might say. To get entrepreneurial about journalism, you talk about your unique personal experience, you inform your audience, you entertain your audience... and you charge them £20 a head.

---

UPDATE: I receive an email on Friday afternoon.

Hey Everyone, Thank you for attending last night's Getting Entrepreneurial About Journalism class with Milo Yiannopoulos. GA education is about delivering high quality, practical, and actionable insights from top practitioners in the field. Last night's course did not meet the high standards that we set for ourselves and that you should expect from us. We have gone ahead and refunded your money and we hope that you'll accept our sincerest apologies. Our Education Team works hard to keep these slip-ups rare, and we hope you'll come check out another class soon.

From advertising to looting

I’m not going to offer any kind of in-depth analysis of the recent riots in the UK. I’m neither qualified to do this nor have I any personal experience to add.

However, having just read and agreed with much of Kate Bevan’s blog post, I’ve decided to offer a few slightly-connected thoughts.

This morning I spotted a message on the front of my wife’s body wash. (A free gift. But I digress). “Lovingly created in the UK”, it says.

Looking at the back of the package you’ll find the comment “Made in the Czech Republic”.

Yes, it’s been ‘created’ in the UK… but it’s not made in the UK. Oh, dear me, no. As if. I mean, you couldn’t possibly think one meant the other, could you?

A new advertisement on the back of our local buses encourages us to ‘relax’, showing a woman with her hands behind her head and her elbows where her fellow-passengers’ heads should be.

That’s okay, isn’t it? It’s hyperbole… or a serving suggestion… or something like that. It's not dishonest, surely?

The path from a few weasel words to breaking into the Carphone Warehouse isn’t a short journey. But I reckon both are on the same road. A little less spin, a little more respect, and the world would be a better place.

When it comes to credit card security, apparently less is now more

MBNA, my credit card issuer, has sent me an email saying it's dropping the MasterCard SecureCode 3D Secure scheme. This is the security procedure that asks me to enter a password when shopping online.

It says "Using your card online is now easier and more secure", adding that "All online payments will be authorised instantly, whilst still providing all the security features you have come to expect from us."

Which is odd because the card issuer originally said 3D Secure offered added protection.

So... offering the service increased the amount of protection I had... and then taking it away gave me even more protection.




PS: "Servcies"? I'd like to think my financial services providers didn't make too many mistakes.

The Lambretta Egg

I spotted this in someone else's magazine: it's a Lambretta collectable egg. Appropriate for Easter, n'est-ce pas?

This gewgaw is styled after the Lambretta SX200, a motor scooter of the 1960s. And now The Bradford Exchange has apparently combined "the legendary artistry of Peter Carl Fabergé" with Lambretta's 200cc scooter.

"At the flick of a switch you can hear the authentic sound of SX200's iconic engine", says the advertising message. Surely that's the sound of Mr Faberge spinning in his grave?

Less of a Faberge egg, more of a curate's egg.

Spammy spammy spam spam spam

The latest piece of nonsense to hit my email in-box claims to be a response to the "collection of resources" on TheFonecast.com. It's asking me to link to an article about PowerPoint on someone else's website. Now, I'm not going to argue that there's many a fine resource at The Fonecast, mainly because I wrote many of them myself, but I fear there's been a spot of cutting-and-pasting going on.

Google the phrase "I really appreciate your collection of resources on the..." and I found loads of very similar messages about a wide cross-section of sites. Along with "I know this article would be a great addition to your information".

What's particularly curious about today's message is that the sender went to the trouble of finding my personal email address and using my name (which isn't part of that email address).

It follows a message on Tuesday from someone who wrote "it's always a great pleasure to read your articles and I have subsequently become a loyal reader". I'm not the first person to receive this type of message... but, again, there was an element of targeting.

Which, all things considered, I find slightly depressing.

Have you tried Whiskas?

Have you tried Whiskas Oh so...

A range of tasty and nutritious meals containing succulent whole pieces of meat and fish you can see.

No, I haven't. This is because (a) I prefer not to eat cat food, (b) I don't consider a lack of invisibility is a great way of differentiating the product, and (c) the phrase "whole pieces" appears to be an oxymoron.

Oh, and if you really are targeting this at cats, I don't think their literacy rates are particularly high.

Copywriting mercenary for hire

Hi, I’m freelance copywriter Mark Bridge. You may know me from such classics as “Digital music… it’s nothing to be afraid of!”, “Photography on your mobile”, “April Dealer Bulletin”, “The Buyers’ Guide”, “Business Plan version 2”, “Revised microsite” and the all-time favourite “Security Network Manager”.

Actually, no, you won’t. You may have read them but they won’t have had my name on them. In fact, at least one of those was credited to the authorship of a cartoon character. Such is the anonymous life of the freelance.

Truth be told, I’m even reluctant to use the word ‘freelance’. I prefer free agent, as suggested by Daniel Pink. Freelance and mercenary are pretty much interchangeable. And ‘copywriting mercenary’ isn’t necessarily what you’d expect on a business card. Although I might give it a go.

So how does a free agent copywriter promote himself?

If it's free, it's worth nothing

Last week I received a mailshot that had travelled through time. I know this because the style and premise were so archaic, so ill-suited to the 21st century, they could not possibly have originated in the last 25 years.

The envelope was plain white with a red postage logo hinting at a bulk mailing. But nothing could have prepared me for what I saw when I opened it. This wasn't contemporary direct mail, it was a marketing Sutton Hoo.

Inside was a letter, an order form and eight Christmas cards with envelopes. Each card had a different hand-painted design.

"Dear Sir/Madam", read the letter. "Christmas is drawing near and I write on behalf of my fellow artists to introduce our work - all created with the brush held in the mouth or feet".

It went on to say "Only by approaching you in this way can we adequately describe the background of these cards."

"Our aim is to support ourselves through the sale of our cards."

"The price for the set is £6.95... You are of course under no obligation to buy or return the set".

And that's where the letter is wrong. Those cards don't have a value of £6.95. They have a value of nothing. Sod all. I've been sent them without asking for them. If I don't want them, I can keep them anyway. Therefore they have no value.

Which is how I knew this strange little package had travelled through time. I reckon it would have worked fifty years ago. But not today.

Buying these cards supports talented artists. But you can't really use the cards, not now. Not here in 2010. What if your friends think you didn't pay for them? Of course you wouldn't do a thing like that, but... And what about the supposed £6.95 value? What's a £6.95 pack of cards worth when one in ten packs is wasted because the recipient doesn't want them? What if it's nine out of ten packs thrown away (or used without payment)? If you receive one, are you helping support the artists or are you getting one of those free cards that were too good for the sender to throw away?

Yes, I know, I know, there are undoubtedly economic reasons for the Mouth and Foot Painting Artists partnership doing things this way instead of just sending an order form or asking for unwanted cards to be returned. But, as I've said before, I neither want unnecessary gifts nor charitable blackmail. And, as the 21st century progresses, I'd like to think those marketing techniques will go the way of the dinosaurs.

I wish those artists every success. But I wish they'd drag their marketing out of the 1950s.