Designing the right incentive scheme

Some basic rules for an incentive scheme, as offered in 'Think Like A Freak' by Steven D Levitt and Stephen J Dubner:

1. Discover what people care about
2. Choose something that's valuable to them but cheap for you
3. Pay attention to how people respond - and learn from it
4. Create a cooperative incentive, if possible
5. Appreciate that some people will try to manipulate your scheme

One of the most unusual charity letters you'll get this Christmas?

"To start with, I'm not a member of The Salvation Army. I'm actually a writer."

This year's Christmas direct mail campaign from The Salvation Army is breaking the fourth wall, you might say. It's admitting the letter is written by 'a writer' - although it's not saying whether previous marketing letters have had similar professional help.

The letter claims to be 'one of the most unusual charity letters you'll get this Christmas'. In many ways, you could suggest it's one of the most traditional. Arguably this technique is a close relation of the ancient Greek Chorus and the Shakespearean aside.

I've talked about my role as an anonymous writer before but really can't see the wall-breaking technique working for most of my clients...

"Hey, I'm not an anthropomorphic mobile phone, I'm a copywriter."

"It's been a great year for the company. So they tell me, anyway."

"And if you have any queries, please give us a ring. Okay, give THEM a ring. Don't call me unless you need anything written."

A lavish lunch and exotic drinks… all when he should be working

• Copywriter enjoys his second meal of the day
• Secret sandwich in intimate writer’s retreat

He’s supposed to be working for clients but copywriter Mark Bridge has been spotted eating lunch instead.

Sources have told how the self-employed scribe made himself a sandwich before carrying it back to his desk.

The writer also found time to boil his retro-style kettle and make a cup of rare Rooibos tea, brewed from leaves only found in South Africa’s fynbos region and enjoyed by many other glamorous A-listers. Controversially, he was seen to add milk to the drink.

Left-over pork from Thursday’s dinner was combined with spicy sweet chilli sauce in a pitta bread, leaving some to suggest Mr Bridge had been taking culinary tips from celebrity chefs like Jamie and Nigella.

He started writing professionally more than ten years ago, although creativity was clearly in the blood as childhood friends tell how he’d pretended to be a newspaper reporter from a very young age.

Mr Bridge was unavailable for comment today.

How do you write a good restaurant review?

How do you write a decent restaurant review?   That's my challenge. I've written about many things in my time but - until now - haven't written a review of a meal. That's just about to change.

In many ways, I reckon the answer is pretty obvious. A meal is a slice of time; a story. You plan, you arrive, you look around at the venue and its customers, you're seated, you receive advice about the food, you choose from the menu, you wait, you eat, you drink, you pay, you leave.

The answer everyone's waiting for is whether or not you enjoyed the experience. Was the food good, what were the staff like, was the restaurant attractive?  In a sentence - or perhaps a tweet - how would you describe the restaurant, its menu and your visit?

Then there's the potentially embarrassing part: snapping a photograph. It's all very well describing the presentation of the food but taking a picture can provide a perfect summary. It can also make you look like the odd bloke at the end of the table. Food photography is a specialist profession, so a few quick shots by candlelight will never match the studio set-up used for cookery books and TV shows - yet switching off the flash and using the macro setting on a standard camera can produce perfectly acceptable results for many publications.

I also need to remember that the food is the story. That's not to say I won't mention my journey there or the accident when I dipped my tie into the soup - and I might even crack a joke or two - but it's a review I'm writing, not a stand-up comedy routine.

From a personal perspective, one of the first criteria I use whenever I eat out is "could I have cooked this myself - and could I have cooked it better?"   My catering qualifications didn't progress much beyond "Mark tries hard" in a school report, so I'm not in a position to be hyper-critical. Besides, we all have a bad day sometimes. As long as I'm honest and accurate, I reckon I'll do okay.

Notebook?   Pen?  Camera?   Wallet?   Appetite?   Right, I'm ready to begin.

I want a pick-up truck. This proves I'm a copywriter.

Earlier this month I was driving a pick-up truck. A Ford Ranger, since you ask. Powerful, comfortable and all the other things you’d hope a 2012 commercial vehicle would be. Probably reasonably economical as well, although I didn’t really check because I wasn’t paying for the diesel.

Anyway, it did its job even better than I’d expected. And when I’d finished with it, I parked it outside the farm office, handed the keys back... and wished I had my own pick-up truck.

This, I fear, is a symptom of being a copywriter. Understanding and appreciating benefits. Not just from my own perspective but from the viewpoint of other people. A pick-up truck is designed primarily to carry a variety of loads but I can also visualise its practicality as a family car. A taxi. A towing vehicle. A statement of personal style.

Okay, it’s not for everyone but then neither is an iPhone or a McDonald’s burger.

Why don’t I have a pick-up truck today?  Because I’m not working for Ford, Toyota, Mitsubishi or any other maker of utility vehicles at the moment. And that means I can also sell myself the benefits of NOT having a pick-up truck.

Right now, I’m convincing myself about the benefits of catching the bus.

Man issues press release after witnessing news event

• Shameless attempt to gain publicity
• No direct connection with the event
• Does a quick survey

BRIGHTON, UK, 15th June 2012

Following a news event somewhere in the world that gained a considerable amount of media attention in the tabloid press, a survey by internationally-acclaimed copywriter Mark Bridge has revealed that around 50% of people agreed with what happened. Astonishingly, a further 50% disagreed.

The incident didn’t really have anything to do with Mr Bridge or the people he interviewed. Nevertheless, he formed an opinion and later asked others what they thought. Many people sympathised with the subject of the news story – possibly an elderly woman whose fence had fallen down, a young mother whose child doesn’t like strawberries, an orphaned ducking or the relative of a Big Brother contestant. Others didn't.

Mark Bridge, who conducted the survey for no reason except to publicise himself, said “The news is full of things that happen. Some are often referred to as ‘good news’. Others are ‘bad news’. By picking one of these events and talking about it, I’ve gained valuable publicity.”

He added “I’ll now say something with a tenuous link between the news event and the services offered by my business. It doesn't really make sense but I'm hoping you won't notice.”

-----ENDS-----

About Mark Bridge
Mark Bridge is a copywriter who also produces and co-presents a weekly podcast for the mobile phone industry. He receives too many press releases that don't say anything important.

Getting Entrepreneurial About Journalism

There comes a time when you need to feel the fear and do it anyway. When you want to change your life in seven days. When you stop hoping a few affiliate links will generate any revenue and decide to actually do something instead.

By you, I mean me, of course.

And so with a spring in my step and a childlike delight at catching the train to London, I set off yesterday to hear Milo Yiannopoulos talk on the subject of Getting Entrepreneurial About Journalism.

“Sassy and enthusiastic young writers are quietly earning a living by supplementing their expertise with events and consulting services and by building their reputations as connectors and pundits.”

Hey, that could be me. Enthusiastic, if not sassy.

“There are more opportunities for enterprising writers to make their name and make a living than ever before.”

Excellent news. The making of my name and my living will start anew.

The event promised that Milo Yiannopoulos would share his experiences setting up technology publication The Kernel, explaining what has worked and what hasn’t.

Indeed he did.

He started the evening at London’s General Assembly by telling the two or three dozen of us there that he’d talk about his experiences with The Kernel (which launched slightly less than five months ago and has been a financial success) and would then move on to the ‘future of content’ - what people pay for.

It is a myth, Milo said, that writing is profitable. After the pamphleteers of the early 18th century, journalism has been subsidised by advertising and supported by patrons.

Today, he said, the patronage model is becoming relevant again - thanks to paying customers, not rich benefactors.

Quite simply, you need to create content that people like and will pay for.

A moment of joyous hyperbole (it was hyperbole, wasn’t it?) saw Copyblogger’s business model described as “immoral” as Milo offered his own perspective on writing for profit.

Again, it’s simple. You need content that will do one (or both) of two things.

You need to educate, to address controversy, to introduce something new... to make people gasp.

And you need to make people laugh, because fundamentally we’re all miserable.

The Daily Mail was offered as an example of a publication that was getting some things right; addressing vulnerabilities and lifting people up to give a vision of ‘better’.

But ultimately there’s no money in ‘reporting’, Milo said. People put money behind individuals, not brands. Which means, when you’re writing editorial, you need to ask yourself “What can I do that nobody else can do?”

It seems the secret to making money from content isn’t a secret.

Make people gasp. Make people laugh. And do it in a unique way.

We gasped. We laughed. We went home.

---

Since last night I’ve seen a little online chatter about the event, with some people relatively happy and others less so.

Did the event deliver what it promised?  Well, despite the title, all it ever promised was Milo’s experiences in setting up The Kernel. So yes, I’d argue it did.

Did it deliver all the title suggested?   In an object lesson, you might say. To get entrepreneurial about journalism, you talk about your unique personal experience, you inform your audience, you entertain your audience... and you charge them £20 a head.

---

UPDATE: I receive an email on Friday afternoon.

Hey Everyone, Thank you for attending last night's Getting Entrepreneurial About Journalism class with Milo Yiannopoulos. GA education is about delivering high quality, practical, and actionable insights from top practitioners in the field. Last night's course did not meet the high standards that we set for ourselves and that you should expect from us. We have gone ahead and refunded your money and we hope that you'll accept our sincerest apologies. Our Education Team works hard to keep these slip-ups rare, and we hope you'll come check out another class soon.

Working with words

Time for a brief mention about work for those who wonder what I do when I'm not writing. As well as being a copywriter, I’m also a podcaster for The Fonecast. We produce weekly broadcasts of UK mobile industry news for everyone from dealers to developers, covering all the top stories from within the mobile phone business. You’ll find our podcasts on iTunes, from our RSS feed and on the home page of our website.

Business bookshelf

I thought the bookshelf in my office was worthy of a photo. As you'd expect, some books are used much more than others. ('Words that sell' is a guilty pleasure, while Fowler offers more pleasure and less guilt).

Copywriters are frauds

Sometimes I feel that I’m more a forger than a copywriter.

I meet a client and write in their voice. I adopt their style. I praise their products like an employee.

They’re writing songs. I’m writing a pastiche. It's an analogy I rather like.

Copywriting mercenary for hire

Hi, I’m freelance copywriter Mark Bridge. You may know me from such classics as “Digital music… it’s nothing to be afraid of!”, “Photography on your mobile”, “April Dealer Bulletin”, “The Buyers’ Guide”, “Business Plan version 2”, “Revised microsite” and the all-time favourite “Security Network Manager”.

Actually, no, you won’t. You may have read them but they won’t have had my name on them. In fact, at least one of those was credited to the authorship of a cartoon character. Such is the anonymous life of the freelance.

Truth be told, I’m even reluctant to use the word ‘freelance’. I prefer free agent, as suggested by Daniel Pink. Freelance and mercenary are pretty much interchangeable. And ‘copywriting mercenary’ isn’t necessarily what you’d expect on a business card. Although I might give it a go.

So how does a free agent copywriter promote himself?

More online grumbles

My bank still hasn't mastered punctuation for its email newsletter.

And my mobile network thinks it's important that nothing's happening.

A bank newsletter that's no better than spam

I’ve said – privately – on more than one occasion that spam ‘phishing’ email messages asking for bank details would work much better if only they were written with more marketing nous. (Just for the record, I’ve only said this to friends. I’m not touting for business from spam marketers!)

And then I received an email from my bank on 25th June. I like my bank… and I tend to like their style… but this is pants. I see now why people are fooled by phishing emails if this is typical of a bank’s official message.

"Mr Bridge introducing the June Collection"

What in heaven’s name are those quote marks doing there? They appear to be a bid to make this look as spammy as possible. And where’s the punctuation?

In fact, while I’m having a go at the subject line, let’s ask why I should bother to open this email at all. ‘The June Collection’. What’s that when it’s at home, eh?

Oh, alright, let’s move into the body of the email.

Hang on, there it is again. The June Collection. Still no idea what it is, mind you.

And now there’s an invitation:

‘This month we're giving you the opportunity to enter the London HACK for free…’

The London HACK. It’s a good job I’m not thinking of spam email here, isn’t it? Because that would put me right off. So – what is the London HACK? Perhaps a quick glance at the next story will tell me. Nope, that one’s about shoes and life insurance. Then we’ve got a Toshiba Mini NB200. I’m assuming it’s some kind of computer because there’s a picture of a computer there. Then again, they’ve used two pairs of shoes to sell life insurance, so it might as well be a cereal bar they’re giving away.
















It’s not until I get to the fifth story that I discover the London HACK is a fundraising walk for charity. To register, I’m told to “select find out more below”. No hyperlink in the text. No italics. No quote marks. (This might have been a good place for them instead of the subject line). No, that would make it too easy to read. And, just to add to my fear, a warning that the bank “has no control over the linked website and is not liable for your use of it. The closing date is 28 June 2010.” Leaving me a mere three days to enter, assuming I had the confidence to click that potentially dangerous link.

As I mentioned earlier, I like my bank. I like them enough to have concealed their name in my rant. I’m not annoyed – just disappointed and a little frustrated. I don’t want to ‘opt out’ of marketing messages. All I want is something that’s a bit better… and something that gives me a reason to read it.

Finally, to add insult to injury, the online survey had closed when I tried to offer my opinion about the newsletter. Still, I’ve got it off my chest now.

Re-writes

"Re-write it", he says. "I want colour," he says, "I want drive and beauty and humble, human warmth and ecstasy, and all the tender, sad emotion of your sweet womanly heart, " he says, "and I want it in fifteen words."

From The Space Merchants by Frederik Pohl & C.M.Kornbluth

Tweet The Kotel

Last year I did some work that involved a little research about The Western Wall (also known as the Wailing Wall, the Kotel and the al-Buraaq wall). Now, leaving religious issues aside - which is nigh-on impossible to do, given the wall's location - I ended up with a basic grasp of 2000 years of wall history and a desire to pay the wall a visit. But now I don't need to... or at least, I wouldn't need to if I wanted to leave a prayer in a gap in the wall.

tweetyourprayers.info lets you send prayers via Twitter or email. It's not 'official' but is operated anonymously by a man from Tel-Aviv with help from people in Jerusalem. He prints the Tweets or emails and they 'post' them between the stones.

Why are they doing it? To quote the website, "It seemed perfectly sensible, almost trivial, to provide anyone on the planet the opportunity to quickly and easily place his prayer in the Kotel". And it's that trivia that'll bug a lot of people, I'm sure.

What's the point?

A little while ago I thought about writing a book. A book that explained the things I'd learned since becoming a copywriter. Well, you know how it is. Clients, friends and re-runs of "Mock the Week" have conspired to slow me down. I put a draft version of the introduction online a few weeks ago - and here's part of the unfinished first chapter.

What's the point?

Before you start writing, there's a question you need to ask yourself: why am I doing this?

I'm not talking about personal motivation, although I'll come to that another day. What's the purpose of the copy you're writing? Are you trying to sell something... or do you want customers to telephone for more information... or do you simply (although it rarely is simple) want people to think fondly of you?

If you're writing for yourself, you need to think about your aims carefully. If you're writing for someone else, they'll probably tell you what their aims are - but you might need to ask. You'll sometimes find that clients have a formal "briefing document" they send you. It'll probably be packed with irrelevant stuff about Pantone colours and image guidelines, but read it carefully. And if you don't get anything in writing, make sure you confirm the objective of the copy as part of your formal quotation. You are sending a quotation, aren't you?

How to be a copywriter

How to become a copywriter.

1. Start doing the job
2. Keep doing the job

Let me explain.

When I was younger I didn’t want to be a copywriter. I wanted to be a stunt man. I’m not sure exactly what started it but I think I was partly inspired by TV’s “The Fall Guy” and partly by the opportunity of being paid to behave recklessly. No pun intended.

Anyway, it didn’t take me long to realise that you didn’t start in the stunt business as the driver of fast cars. You started as cowboy #3 thrown through a window… or as ‘second victim’ floating downstream. The driving thing wouldn’t happen for a long time – and that’s assuming your bones had healed enough for you to sit down properly.

So I became a telephone engineer. I could picture myself as “Fall Guy” Colt Seavers when I sped through the countryside in my yellow van. I looked like the star of “Danger UXB” when I spliced cables together. And I didn’t need to jump from helicopters.

Fast-forward twenty years and I now write about technology instead of installing it. It’s a job I’m very fond of. Except… a few months ago I was given a copy of “The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook”. You’ve probably seen one; it’s spawned a series of books that offer tips about everything from avoiding an unwanted romantic encounter (disguise yourself) to jumping from a moving train (look out for fence posts and try not to break anything when you land).

Suddenly I wanted to be a stunt man again. Or perhaps a secret agent. The book was entertaining. Amusing. Based in fact. Yet, to quote the authors, “Do not attempt to undertake any of the activities described in this book”. Because this kind of thing needs training, experience and – occasionally – a bit of luck, too.

Which brings me to my point. “Faking it” can work in the short-term but it’s no alternative to experience. You can’t start your dream job simply by picking up an e-book or listening to a series of MP3s. Sure, you need to read what other people have written and see what other people have done – but that’s just part of the process. Cowboy #3 was thrown through an awful lot of windows before he ever rode a horse with John Wayne. The vast majority of copywriters – heck, the vast majority of people working in any darned job whatsoever – start somewhere near the bottom of their chosen ladder. So don’t waste your money on “get smart quick” schemes. And get smart slowly.

Get the briefing right

Seth Godin posted about working with creative people in his blog yesterday. He says there are two types of creative brief: the "clean sheet" and the strategic, defined (some would say "prescriptive") brief.

Although giving your designer, copywriter or architect a free rein can produce spectacular results, it also means - rather like dealing with the Mr Tourette cartoon character - that you're not in a position to complain about the finished product.

Giving someone a clear brief - "use these colours, fit to this space, other people have done this and we'd like something similar" - means you know what you're getting (and, more to the point, you know what you're not getting).

As a copywriter, I prefer the second option. It means more work for the client... but it guarantees results. As Seth Godin says:

The strategic mission takes more preparation, more discipline and more difficult meetings internally. It involves thinking hard without knowing it when you see it. It's also the act of a mature individual, earning his salary. The clean sheet of paper is amazing when it works, but involves so much waste, anxiety and pain that I have a hard time recommending it to most people.

[Video clip not safe for work. Or my mother]