Nokia sarcasm reaches a new level

A few weeks ago, the Nokia Conversations blog published an article called How do you hold your Nokia?

It coincided with well-reported problems affecting the new Apple iPhone 4. The article ended by reminding Nokia users that they could hold their phones any way they liked without suffering any signal loss.

Ouch.

But it seems that wasn't enough. Today, in Settle down: it's story time, we're told that "video calls using mobile devices are very new", with Nokia users having to "wait all the way until 2004" before they could make video calls. Oooh. Six years before iPhone users. The story behind the article - a partnership between Nokia and Sesame Street - doesn't really involve mobile phones at all, which means this looks like little more than another unashamed pop at Apple.

That first article struck me as pretty funny... but I really don't see sarcasm as one of Nokia's brand values. No more digs for a while, eh? Just get the N8 into the shops.

A bank newsletter that's no better than spam

I’ve said – privately – on more than one occasion that spam ‘phishing’ email messages asking for bank details would work much better if only they were written with more marketing nous. (Just for the record, I’ve only said this to friends. I’m not touting for business from spam marketers!)

And then I received an email from my bank on 25th June. I like my bank… and I tend to like their style… but this is pants. I see now why people are fooled by phishing emails if this is typical of a bank’s official message.

"Mr Bridge introducing the June Collection"

What in heaven’s name are those quote marks doing there? They appear to be a bid to make this look as spammy as possible. And where’s the punctuation?

In fact, while I’m having a go at the subject line, let’s ask why I should bother to open this email at all. ‘The June Collection’. What’s that when it’s at home, eh?

Oh, alright, let’s move into the body of the email.

Hang on, there it is again. The June Collection. Still no idea what it is, mind you.

And now there’s an invitation:

‘This month we're giving you the opportunity to enter the London HACK for free…’

The London HACK. It’s a good job I’m not thinking of spam email here, isn’t it? Because that would put me right off. So – what is the London HACK? Perhaps a quick glance at the next story will tell me. Nope, that one’s about shoes and life insurance. Then we’ve got a Toshiba Mini NB200. I’m assuming it’s some kind of computer because there’s a picture of a computer there. Then again, they’ve used two pairs of shoes to sell life insurance, so it might as well be a cereal bar they’re giving away.
















It’s not until I get to the fifth story that I discover the London HACK is a fundraising walk for charity. To register, I’m told to “select find out more below”. No hyperlink in the text. No italics. No quote marks. (This might have been a good place for them instead of the subject line). No, that would make it too easy to read. And, just to add to my fear, a warning that the bank “has no control over the linked website and is not liable for your use of it. The closing date is 28 June 2010.” Leaving me a mere three days to enter, assuming I had the confidence to click that potentially dangerous link.

As I mentioned earlier, I like my bank. I like them enough to have concealed their name in my rant. I’m not annoyed – just disappointed and a little frustrated. I don’t want to ‘opt out’ of marketing messages. All I want is something that’s a bit better… and something that gives me a reason to read it.

Finally, to add insult to injury, the online survey had closed when I tried to offer my opinion about the newsletter. Still, I’ve got it off my chest now.

The accidental photo-journalist, part 3

The University of Lincoln's student newspaper has borrowed another of my photos. This one's a football fan from the last time England was knocked out the World Cup.

The Commodores rewrite 'Nightshift' as Michael Jackson tribute

The Commodores have rewritten the re-written the lyrics to 'Nightshift' and have re-recorded it as a tribute to Michael Jackson.

Michael, he was a friend of mine
For more than forty years, no brighter star did shine
Michael, they call you, “King Of Pop”
But for your gentle soul, the pain would never stop…

Tomorrow, Friday 25th June, is the anniversary of Michael's untimely death. Nightshift is a good song, although I'm not sure about the concept of rewriting a tribute song as a tribute to someone else. I wasn't sure 13 years ago, either.

Another unwanted gift

I've just received more unwanted gifts from the Red Cross, which has reminded me to opt out from their 'unwanted gift' mailing list. A sheet of adhesive labels and a paper clip, since you ask.

KITT is ready to hack your car's computer

Remember how Michael Knight's KITT could take control of other cars in Knight Rider by jamming their brakes with a 'Microlock'. Technology has now surpassed that.

CNET reports that a group of university researchers has managed to 'hack' a car, locking the brakes, the engine and the windows remotely. They were also able to change the speedometer display, turn on the radio and sound the horn.

So watch out if a 1982 Trans-Am pulls alongside you...

An unnecessary 'thank you' from the Red Cross

As far as I'm concerned, the Red Cross does a great job. But I'd rather it didn't waste my donation on sending me 'thank you' gifts I don't want.

I've just received a letter from them that contains some cards, envelopes, address labels, gift tags, a bookmark, a sheet of wrapping paper and a ballpoint pen. Because that collection of tat will persuade me to make another donation, right?

Now, I'm sure there's evidence that this kind of thing works for many people. I'd like to think the British Red Cross isn't just sending stationery because it's run out of novelty gifts or jelly beans - and I'm sure it's not spending for fun, given that the world isn't crisis-free at the moment.

But today this seems like money-wasting nonsense. These gifts are of no real use to me. And yes, I know the Red Cross suggests that unwanted gifts could be passed "to friends, family or community groups to help spread awareness of our life-saving work". Probably not the address labels, though.

I'm also irritated that the gifts were - according to the letter - created as a tribute to Red Cross volunteers in the First and Second World Wars. Adhesive labels are hardly a fitting tribute, are they?

So now I feel guilty. Guilty that most of those gifts will be heading for the recycling bin. Guilty that I'm annoyed at the Red Cross. Guilty that I'm disinclined to donate to them again, given their tendency to buy ballpoint pens instead of bandages.

Perhaps it's just a question of demographic profiling. (Filter out the grumpy people from the free gift list). Or perhaps - as has been suggested more than once - it's time for charities to get back to basics.