Super injunctions? Take a tip from the mobile industry

This morning I walked past the rack of newspapers in my local shop. Alongside the shocking news that the Duchess of Cambridge actually buys food - don’t get me started! - were headlines about Gabby Logan. The TV presenter was denying she’d had an affair with Alan Shearer, which many people had previously suggested was concealed by a so-called super injunction.

“What does this have to do with mobile phones?”, I hear you ask. Not much, to be honest. But it reminded me of a telecoms news story from November 2009.

Back then, the Information Commissioner’s Office announced it had “been working with a mobile telephone company” after the firm appeared to have discovered a number of employees selling information about customers’ mobile phone contracts.

It didn’t reveal which company it had been talking to… but after Vodafone, O2, Orange and Three had all issued denials, T-Mobile eventually confirmed it was the network involved.

And that got me thinking.

Gabby’s set the ball rolling. All we need is a few more denials to help narrow down the super-injunctees. Assuming, of course, anyone really cares who they are.

Okay, I’ll get back to work now. Hang on… she put WHAT in her shopping trolley?

The Lambretta Egg

I spotted this in someone else's magazine: it's a Lambretta collectable egg. Appropriate for Easter, n'est-ce pas?

This gewgaw is styled after the Lambretta SX200, a motor scooter of the 1960s. And now The Bradford Exchange has apparently combined "the legendary artistry of Peter Carl Fabergé" with Lambretta's 200cc scooter.

"At the flick of a switch you can hear the authentic sound of SX200's iconic engine", says the advertising message. Surely that's the sound of Mr Faberge spinning in his grave?

Less of a Faberge egg, more of a curate's egg.

Spammy spammy spam spam spam

The latest piece of nonsense to hit my email in-box claims to be a response to the "collection of resources" on TheFonecast.com. It's asking me to link to an article about PowerPoint on someone else's website. Now, I'm not going to argue that there's many a fine resource at The Fonecast, mainly because I wrote many of them myself, but I fear there's been a spot of cutting-and-pasting going on.

Google the phrase "I really appreciate your collection of resources on the..." and I found loads of very similar messages about a wide cross-section of sites. Along with "I know this article would be a great addition to your information".

What's particularly curious about today's message is that the sender went to the trouble of finding my personal email address and using my name (which isn't part of that email address).

It follows a message on Tuesday from someone who wrote "it's always a great pleasure to read your articles and I have subsequently become a loyal reader". I'm not the first person to receive this type of message... but, again, there was an element of targeting.

Which, all things considered, I find slightly depressing.

According to our experts...

One of this morning's news headlines is a report from Billmonitor that claims the UK's mobile phone users are spending almost £5 million per year more than they need. Billmonitor is a mobile tariff price comparison site that's been approved by Ofcom, which helps them stand out from the crowd. However, what's also being mentioned in reports is that the company was "invented by mathematicians in Oxford". (For example, the BBC refers to "a group of Oxford mathematicians behind a start-up firm called Billmonitor"). Whilst the company is indeed based in Oxford - and I don't doubt the involvement of mathematicians - I can't help but notice how the public positioning of Billmonitor differs from that of other comparison websites. I doubt that similar figures would have been given as much credence if they'd been presented by Gio Gompario, Aleksandr Orlov or even Omid Djalili.

Tenuous connection?

I like this blue plaque, mainly because the connections seem so tenuous. Not only is it remembering a house that's no longer there, it's celebrating two people who didn't live in the house.

"Immediately to the south of this building stood the house occupied by Hester and Henry Thrale where Samuel Johnson and Fanny Burney were frequent visitors"

Have you tried Whiskas?

Have you tried Whiskas Oh so...

A range of tasty and nutritious meals containing succulent whole pieces of meat and fish you can see.

No, I haven't. This is because (a) I prefer not to eat cat food, (b) I don't consider a lack of invisibility is a great way of differentiating the product, and (c) the phrase "whole pieces" appears to be an oxymoron.

Oh, and if you really are targeting this at cats, I don't think their literacy rates are particularly high.

Copywriting mercenary for hire

Hi, I’m freelance copywriter Mark Bridge. You may know me from such classics as “Digital music… it’s nothing to be afraid of!”, “Photography on your mobile”, “April Dealer Bulletin”, “The Buyers’ Guide”, “Business Plan version 2”, “Revised microsite” and the all-time favourite “Security Network Manager”.

Actually, no, you won’t. You may have read them but they won’t have had my name on them. In fact, at least one of those was credited to the authorship of a cartoon character. Such is the anonymous life of the freelance.

Truth be told, I’m even reluctant to use the word ‘freelance’. I prefer free agent, as suggested by Daniel Pink. Freelance and mercenary are pretty much interchangeable. And ‘copywriting mercenary’ isn’t necessarily what you’d expect on a business card. Although I might give it a go.

So how does a free agent copywriter promote himself?